the literal dependence of terribly vulnerable child on its relationships is profoundly overlearned, overconditioned … it becomes difficult later to affirm one’s aloneness as a value rather than as a threat of annihilation … the ideal parent, then, is one who can offer the child support and protection, but also sincere and recurrent affirmation of the child’s own inner resources. Then, at the various stages of separation, the child can feel the support those resources offer from within
given the limits of our power to shape our environment, we inevitably overrate the value of relationship and underrate the value of solitude … when we are not alone when we are on our own, then we have achieved solitude … conscious of an inner presence with which to dialogue. Out of such dialogue the individuation process moves forward
just as the acceptance of loneliness is the prerequisite for personal growth and creativity, so the emotional accommodation with loneliness must precede any amelioration of the wounds of the parent-child relationship … the only antidote to fear is to go through it with the insight and courage of an adult, to make friends with it, somehow … only by embracing loneliness breaks that tyrannous hold. The person who cannot bear the emotions attached to the primal wounds cannot escape being a victim.